"Find a black woman"
Recently, I came across this discussion on social media. There's a video by an Indian man called "Dear Black Women" in which he discusses his beliefs, as influenced by his mum's advice that he received as a child. I'll link the video below for easy reference in case you haven't seen it:
Note I got this video from the channel Daughter of the Most High which is where I'm linking it from.
Of course a lot of commentary ensued. Many were positive, but to my surprise at least, there were quite a few people, male and female, who did not appreciate what this guy had to say.
Now as a synopsis, what he stated is that his mother advised him as a child to seek out a black woman if he ever were lost on the streets or in trouble. Her rationale was that in her experience, of all the different types of people, a black woman was the one most likely to come to a child's aid without ill-intent. She had grown up herself amongst black females who had accepted and assisted her along the way, and so she felt that they are to be trusted especially in instances involving children.
He himself goes on to describe being embraced by black families when he was at his lowest point, and being offered food, warmth and shelter. His experiences amongst the black community have been positive and he shares his mom's sentiment, that a black woman is likely to offer assistance when you need it most.
Now in my mind I found that outlook to be very wholesome...all the more because on reflection I realised it felt true. Even where I live, which is so riddled with heartless opportunists ready to take advantage of a person if they could, I had to admit that the most likely individual to give assistance, to a child especially, would be a black woman. I would sooner trust a black woman (with caveats...maybe an older, mature looking woman) if I needed assistance on the streets than a random man. I definitely can see merit in telling a child to find one.
However the backlash he received from some black women surprised me. From my understanding, their argument is this:
Black women are tired of rescuing others whilst no one comes to our rescue. We're tired of being seen as the mammies, the black best friend, the strong woman, the single mother raising the "kids" on her own, the baby mama's, the builders. We want someone to Also see us as deserving of grace, as princesses. We want a knight on a white horse to come slay our dragons for a change. We want to rest in our softness and femininity and have someone take care of us. We want to be seen as delicate and worthy of being protected and treasured. Black women are tired of the one-dimensional image we have of always being strong, able to fight our way through our struggles entirely on our own. And still be the ones to coddle everybody else.
And I agree with all of that. For me though, where my reaction to the man's words hinged on being overwhelmingly positive is on the word "also". For me it is a completely positive opinion he expressed about us black women. One that I am proud to know in my heart is true. We are helpful, we are compassionate and we give of ourselves to others with warmth and openness, especially to children. It is evidently a strong trait found in even the toughest black women. Perhaps because of our history as slaves, but even before that, our culture as nurturers, black women seem uniquely capable of giving.
AND...we want to rest. We want everything that other, predominantly white women have as an entitlement. We are truly tired of being seen as the black best friend, the mammy, the round the way girl, the homie. We want our delicateness and femininity to be honoured as well.
So I am not mad at him one bit. In fact I'm honoured by his words. I embrace the qualities in black women that make us givers. I also demand to be treated like a woman and not a mule. Sadly it is mainly our own black men who treat us like mules and consistently leave us no choice but to live in our masculine energy.
You know I have always wanted to write a story involving a black female character who is not the typical black girl usually portrayed in fiction. She would be quiet, vulnerable, introspective, artistic and shy. I always wanted her to meet the people who could see the beauty in her, who could appreciate the strength in her softness and hear her voice despite her silence. I feel like we see women of other races portrayed like that fairly often...but rarely a black girl. I always wanted her fragility to be treasured ...even celebrated.
Inside of every "strong black woman", I feel like there is a girl just like her...like me. Someone who just wants the world to let her be and feel like a woman. To let her rest.
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